Handfasting

The ancient binding of hands with tartan ribbon — origin of 'tying the knot'.

Handfasting is the ritual most couples mean when they talk about a Scottish ceremony: your hands are bound together with cord or ribbon while your celebrant speaks. It is old, it is genuinely Scottish, and it is one of the few traditions that still does something rather than simply being watched.

What actually happens

You and your partner face each other and join hands, usually right to right and left to left so your arms form a figure of eight. Your celebrant then binds them with one or more lengths of cord, ribbon or tartan, speaking as they go, and the knot is drawn closed at the end.

It takes two or three minutes. Someone usually holds the cords ready and passes them across, which is a good job for a parent, a sibling or a child who would otherwise have no part in the day. The binding is loose enough to lift your hands away afterwards, and many couples keep the knotted cord.

The phrase “tying the knot” is often said to come from it. That origin is popularly repeated rather than settled, so it is worth enjoying the story without leaning on it.

Where it sits legally in Scotland

Handfasting is symbolic. It carries no legal weight on its own anywhere in the UK, and a handfasting by itself does not marry you.

What makes a Scottish wedding legal is the celebrant and the paperwork: an authorised celebrant — humanist, religious or a registrar — conducting the ceremony, and the Marriage Schedule signed on the day. Scotland is unusual in allowing that legal ceremony to happen anywhere, indoors or out, which is why a handfasting on a hillside or a beach here can be part of the real thing rather than a separate blessing.

In practice it is simply woven into the ceremony your celebrant is already conducting. Our guide to celebrants and humanists covers who is authorised and what happens with the Schedule.

The cords, and who brings them

Most celebrants carry a set and will offer them, so ask before buying anything. If you would rather supply your own, the usual choice is between a single long cord and several shorter ribbons, each added by a different person.

Tartan is the obvious option and the most common: a family tartan if you have one, a district tartan for where you are marrying, or any that you simply like. Couples with no tartan connection often pick colours instead, or use fabric from a relative's clothing, a christening shawl or something borrowed.

Lengths of roughly a metre and a half work for a single cord. Anything much longer becomes difficult to knot neatly in front of a room full of people, and anything slippery — satin especially — tends to work loose.

Fitting it into the day

Handfasting almost always sits after the vows and before the ring exchange, because your hands need to be free again for the rings. Tell your celebrant early if you want it somewhere else.

Warn your photographer. It is a close, low ritual and the good frame is usually from the side, not from behind the guests, so they will want to move beforehand rather than during. If you are outdoors, wind is the practical enemy: light ribbons in an exposed spot need someone holding the loose ends.

Questions worth asking your celebrant

  • Do you provide the cords, or should we bring our own?
  • How many cords do you recommend for the number of people we want to involve?
  • Where in the ceremony will it sit, and how long does it take?
  • Who holds and passes the cords, and when do they come forward?
  • What do you say during the binding — can we read it beforehand?
  • What happens if it is windy or raining where we are standing?
  • Do we keep the knot tied afterwards, and how do you finish it?

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